The Ryot U.S. recently published a
photo gallery of Middle Eastern
women who suffered acid attacks at
the hands of former suitors whose
marriage proposals they rejected.
These shocking incidents show that
there is still a massive consent-issue
when it comes to women and
marriage. Some women choose not
to get married. That is their right
and should thus be respected.
I have a middle-aged aunt who is a
gorgeous and strong woman; and
still I would find myself asking: "But,
why isn’t she married?". That is
because everyone else in my family
has already found their soulmate.
For a while I even saw my aunt as
kind of tragic. But the truth, which I
later learnt, is that a few years ago,
she was about to get married.
At the last moment, she called off
the wedding amidst Lobola
negotiations; and her fiance took the
news very maturely – even though
this couldn’t have been easy for
him.
Now imagine her in the shoes of
these women attacked with acid,
deciding not to tie the knot after all.
Backing out, or simply choosing to
remain single. It is chilling to think
she would have been one of the acid
burn survivors.
For me, this all boils down to the
kind of men boys have been raised
to become. For some men, they are
raised to believe that they are
entitled to have certain things;
mainly because of their gender. This
often includes the right to a wife. If
they don’t get what is theirs, they
feel disrespected. Then they hurt
people.
In my Christian faith, we believe
that a marriage should reflect
Christ’s love for the church. This
means that two people must love
each other and have each other’s
best interests at heart at all times.
A man must love his wife as he
would himself. Which man, who has
a healthy love for himself would pour
acid on his own face?
If a man truly loves a woman, just
like my aunt’s former fiancé did, he
will respect her decision not to get
married and find happiness with
someone else.
What if those acid burn survivors
said "yes"? To be honest, that
question did cross my mind. Any
marriage that is not based on
mutual consent is unlikely to be a
happy/loving marriage. It can be
endured, but never happy.
I could never fathom what it must
be like to choose between being
free, yet mutilated; or stuck in an
unhappy marriage without any
external scars.
I commend these women for their
courage and their choice under such
harsh circumstances.
Many commentators on the story
rightfully say that these 'boys'
should be brutally punished. One of
them even says that the acid
"should be poured on their
genitals."
Will even the most severe
punishment, put a stop to this
disgusting practice? After all, crimes
such as domestic violence still exist
despite the strictest laws against it.
I say, our hearts are the drawing
board and that is where we need to
go for any hope of change.
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